Uncle Mikey's tid bits of Arkansas wisdom:

* Never let a fool kiss you . . . or never let a kiss fool you.
* I can keep secrets . . . but the people I tell, can't.
*Money can't buy happiness . . . but it's more comfortable to cry in a Rolls than in a Ford.
* What is the key to long life . . . surgery!
* Follow your heart . . . but take your brain with you.
* Why is it that at class reunions . . . you feel younger than everyone else looks?
* The Rings of Saturn are composed entirely of . . . lost airline luggage.
* In Hollywood a marriage is a success . . . if it outlasts milk.
* Love may be blind . . . but marriage is a an eye-opener.
* Feeling mean...give a little child something useful for Christmas.
* Well, today was a total waste of . . . makeup.
* A boy is usually the kind of kid . . . his mother tells him to stay away from.
* Fellows like him don't grow on trees . . . they usually swing from them.
* There are worse things than getting a wrong number call at 4 in the morning . . . it could be the right number. spaghetti evening gowns
* Want a real good run for your money . . . eat prunes.
* Hypochondria . . . is the only disease I haven't got.
* Some wives dress to kill . . . and cooks the same.
* Everybody knows how to raise children. . . except the people who have them.
* There are no new sins . . . the old ones just get more publicity.
* Some folks are free of all prejudices . . . they hate every one equally.
* Some people are alive . . .only because it's illegal to kill them.
* Business conventions demonstrate . . . how many people a company can operate without.
* Talk is cheap . . . unless it involves a lawyer.
* Some of us are as useless as . . . a P in a Psycho.
* Your cooking is fabulous..the smoke alarm even cheers you on.
* The only normal people you know . . . are the ones you don’t know very well.
* I've reached the age where . . . 'happy hour' is a nap.
* I sometimes think his only flair . . . is in his nostrils.
* But for gravity . . . I'd be a high-flyer.
* They say fight fire with fire... I got thrown out of the fire brigade.
* Three minutes of fame may be fleeting...but obscurity is forever.
* Want things to change fast... put politicians on minimum wage.
* You're in a vehicle going the speed of light . . . what happens when you turn on the headlights.
* Life is short . . . smile while you still have teeth.
* May all your troubles last only as long as . . . your New Year's resolutions.